SHAMANS
of
SAN DAMIANO

RETURN TO
AGE OF REALITY
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RETURN TO
SHAMANS
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Introduction

INTRODUCTION

Biography

Chapters 1 - 4

Enter Shamans

Chapters 5 - 8

Discoveries

Chapters 9 - 12

Farewells

Chapters 13 - 16

Generations

Shamans' Genealogy

A little over two full years had so quickly passed after this spiritual pilgrimage to Zuni because everyone was so totally engaged with all sorts of activities and the very next of any significant news from Zuñi came when Popékâke and Símacoya arrived in the spring of 1830 with their newly born son.  They had left their daughter in the care of Símacoya’s mother.  Popékâke had so enthusiastically insisted that his newborn son, Tonaši be taken to José and Raquel for their blessings as well as a proper christening in the Catholic Church.  Hopefully this Christian blessing would take place at the Iglesia de San Felipe de Neri, which by this time had taken on a particularly spiritual meaning for this Zuni family.  It was naturally anticipated that Father Manuél would perform the services himself, but it was that very winter that Manuél had been asked by the Church fathers to assume the position of pastor at the Cathedral of Saint Francis in La Ciudad de Santa Fe de San Francisco.  This was quite an unexpected honor for Manuél and certainly a well-deserved step-up in the ranks of the Church as that position in Santa Fe usually leads to the appointment of Bishop for this entire northern Diocese.  In the meantime, José had become even more involved with a little church just to the north of their adobe in the small village of San Antonito, and it would be there that Tonaši was eventually taken and given the Christian name of Juan Mateo (John Matthew).  José had congenially suggested to Popékâke that as nice and meaningful as it was to have had Tonaši christened in the Catholic Church; “Let’s venture to the sacred telaššina·we, and use those Zuni sacred waters for a further blessings of your very special first-born hom ·akcek·i.”  Popékâke was excited with this even more appropriate suggestion and his only expressed concern was that Símacoya was probably not physically able to make the rather rugged journey to the top of the mountain.  José, “Popékâke, we can leave the two women here and we can make this journey ourselves with the child.  I don’t believe this to be too much of a problem and we can care for Juan Mateo as though we were his mother.”  Símacoya, like any anxious mother was certainly concerned, as the child was still very young and still nursing.  By this time Raquel had had a great deal of valuable experience in caring for a child that could not readily have its own mother for nursing, and comfortingly assured Símacoya that she would prepare the necessary nutrients for this child, and see to it that there was also sufficient clothing for these two ‘men’ to properly care for Juan Mateo.  Raquel expressed to Símacoya, “You really shouldn’t worry; José has often helped me to care for any number of young children and he makes a very good mother when he is needed.”
          José and Popékâke left very early that next morning with the good intentions of not spending the night, as was the usual for these trips to the telaššina·we.  It was just before the noon hour that they had finally reached that most sacred of all springs and began their attenuated and rather brief Zuni ceremony.  José had actually remained awake after the others had gone to sleep that very night before this very special event for the sole purpose of crafting another medicine bag for the newborn infant.  José had used the remaining animal skin from that same bag that had once belonged to his honored grandfather, Naiyutchi; that same bag from which Manuél’s medicine bag had also been carefully crafted.  José, “I know that you had brought your hom ·akcek·i here to Zuni’s šipa·puli·ma because you secretly and rightfully expect that Tonaši will follow in your own footsteps and become a Zuni Medicine Man.  I respect that heart-felt wish very much and even honor you for having such a grand hope, that I too share the same expectation for Tonaši, and for that reason alone I have prepared this token of my sacred approval.  I want you to keep this medicine bag for Juan Mateo until he is old enough to understand its full significance.  I suggest that you wear this medicine bag for him.  I have placed only one item inside, and it is only a bit of rock that was taken from Raquel’s sacred Medicine Rock.  When Juan Mateo is old enough I hope that he shall return here to šipa·puli·ma and complete his initiation in a full and proper manner.  I would be so honored if I could be just a part of that initiation and you might be pleased to know that the skin from which this medicine bag was created once belonged to Naiyutchi.  In the meantime, I know that you will take great care to see that he is properly instructed when he is able to understand the full meaning of the sacred path that has been chosen for him even before he had first entered Zuñi’s ·itiwan·a, ‘the middle place’ that was known to be equidistant from the four great oceans.  Be ever so cautious that this path of the Bear is something that he has also willingly chosen for himself and that can only be decided when he reaches an age of understanding.  You will know when that age is reached.  For me it came before I had reached my sixth year, but of course, I probably had little choice considering my father was Popé.”  Popékâke was naturally taken emotionally with this unexpected gift and words of encouragement and said, “It has been my hope from the day of hom ·akcek·i’s birth that one day when Tonaši is able to leave his mother’s care and watchful eye that he might come here to šipa·puli·ma and be properly instructed by the great Medicine Man.”  José indicated that he would be quite honored and that Tonaši would always be treated and considered in every aspect as his own son, should that great event ever come about.  “I think it would be most fitting for Tonaši to come here after he has been properly inducted into ·anše·kwe (Bear clan) and I look forward to that celebrated day.  I know that this will excite Raquel greatly, and I want you to share all of this with her when we return.”  They all took one last drink from the sacred waters and José even poured a bit of that sacred water over Juan Mateo’s head in the Christian fashion and with a grimaced smile softly said to the infant, “Now, you have been properly christened with the sacred waters of your own ancestral fathers of Zuni, and have been so blessed by the great ·anše.  Little do you know, my little Medicine Man, that you have just taken your first step on a great path of love?  You have my full blessings and I give to you the spirit of ·anše, to protect you and always lead you to these sacred waters.  May you never thirst without finding the needed waters!”  The two Zuni Medicine Men, with the little infant in arms, were able to return to the adobe just before the sun was to finally set behind the great sacred mountain.
          Popékâke shared with the two women what had taken place at the telaššina·we and also mentioned that Tonaši may one day be able to return for some special instructions from both José and Raquel.  Símacoya softly expressed, “I know this is what hom tačču truly desires in his heart as he talked about nothing else this entire journey here to šipa·puli·ma.  And I would also be most honored to share hom ·akcek·i with the two of you when he is ready to come.  In many ways that I do not yet understand, I feel him to be ‘our’ child, as much yours as he is ours, and I know as his mother that he is destined to become a Medicine Man.  I knew that this child was going to be our hom ·akcek·I, even before his birth.”
          Popékâke and his family remained at the adobe for only two more days before they had finally departed back to Pescado.  They would have possibly left even earlier except the trip over was particularly trying to Símacoya who still had not fully recovered from giving birth to Tonaši.  With Tonaši now being duly dedicated to becoming a Zuni Medicine Man, it was likely assured that the next generation of Zuni would have the benefit of a tradition that had been with them from their beginnings.  There was little doubt that Tonaši would one day return to the sacred telaššina·we and be instructed by the Shamans of šipa·puli·ma.  These two extra days gave José an opportunity to spend some special time with Popékâke and on that first of those two extra days José took Popékâke to Raquel’s sacred Medicine Rock and spent much of the daylight hours sharing his knowledge of some of his more powerful medicines.  While they were there, José retrieved a bit of the rock and offered it to Popékâke for his medicine bag, “I wish to share some of this ‘rock’ with you; Raquel would agree.  We have come to understand that the special power that is in this sacred rock came from Raquel, whose love of the healing arts is so pure and motivated only by her love for others.  I know that you have shared in that love when you were both children and this bit of Raquel’s rock should remind you that our greatest medicine is always born of love.”  The second day was spent with José offering the most basic instructions in reading English.  This was given to Popékâke who had once indicated that he wanted to learn what came from those mysterious books, and José further suggested that there was probably some priest or missionary somewhere near Zuni that could probably teach him to read if only he would make the request.   José even gave Popékâke a book with which he could begin practicing should he be able to locate a proper and willing teacher.  The couple left very early on the third day, wishing that they could have remained even longer, but they knew that they were needed and expected back in Pescado, and Símacoya was also most anxious to get back to her daughter.
          The rest of the year was not quite as exciting as was usual for the Shamans of šipa·puli·ma, mostly because Manuél had assumed and was quite preoccupied with his newly acquired post as the Pastor of the Cathedral of Saint Francis.  It was just a little over twice the distance from their little adobe to La Ciudad de Santa Fe de San Francisco as to the Iglesia in the village of Albuquerque.  This added distance alone meant less frequent visits between the Shamans, but the even greater obstacle was all the additional administrative duties that Father Manuél had unexpectedly encountered as the newly appointed Pastor of the Cathedral; he could so rarely get away from Santa Fe.  In fact, in that entire first year, Manuél was only able to make one trip to the adobe itself, and that was only because he had some pastoral duties to perform at the little Church in San Antonito.  That winter was very quiet and uneventful, and shortly after the first of the year José and Raquel decided that they would go to Santa Fe and spend at least a little time with their dear friend.  This week's timely visit turned out to be a bit more than had been initially expected.  It was on the third day of this visit that Manuél had received word that his mother had just died back in Placitas.  This was totally unexpected, as his mother was not ever reported to have been in ill health.  The three Shamans immediately left for Placitas where Manuél had presided over his mother's internment.  Manuél had been close to his mother and had always given her the due credit for his having become a priest, as well as his having such an unusually loving nature.  It was so fortuitous that José and Raquel had decided to make their journey at this particular time because their presence so helped Manuél deal more effectively with his grief.  As soon as the funeral was completed the three Shamans returned to Santa Fe where Manuél after a couple of days for regaining his composure and only briefly mourning for the loss of his mother, resumed his usual pastoral duties.  After another two days in Santa Fe the two visitors returned to their own little adobe knowing in their hearts that some greater spirit must of vicariously summoned their presence knowing that this would be a time of great need for their friend.
          It was sometime that next spring after Raquel had prepared her garden that word came from Zuni that Popé had died; this was not unexpected, though the knowledge of the loss caused José to take several days away from his usual duties.  José actually spent one night at the telaššina·we where he sort of welcomed the spirit of his father to šipa·puli·ma, “Father, I waited for your loving spirit to come here so that it might enter the nadir through this most sacred of telaššina·we.  I am sorrowful for the passing of your spirit, but I know that you were tired of this life and that it was time for your spirit to seek rest amongst the other great spirits.  I know that you will be aptly greeted by Naiyutchi and our Zuni Medicine fathers that have preceded him.  I have prepared a little gift for your final journey.”  José had gathered some herbs that were known to induce calmness in one’s spirit, tied them with a bit of leather that still remained for that pouch that had belonged to Naiyutchi and laid the small bundle next to the sacred spring.  “This is to bring peace to your spirit because I know that you would not have wanted to depart this world of the day people.  I have always sensed neither that you never felt that your work was ever completed nor that you had done all that you could for our people.  You have left behind many that will now proudly walk in your place and you have done well to prepare them.  Rest well, my father.  I love you and know that all of your brothers that are left behind love you equally and will never loose sight of your great medicine.”
          Besides Tekkâke being at Popé’s side when he took his last breath, Koškáti and his son, Popékâke were likewise there.  Popé’s dying words were, “Remember me to Kiasiwa.  Koškáti, my friend, I want you to take my place until you feel that Popékâke is well prepared and able to come live here in Zuñi and reside in this place of healing.  I know that Kiasiwa will not be returning home’ and that it would be his own wish that both of you should assume this great responsibility in his place and fill this position of Zuni’s Medicine Man.  Tell hom ·akcek·i that my spirit will one day join him in šipa·puli·ma and that I will wait for him at the most sacred telaššina·we and we will drink those waters together along with the great ·anše.  Because Kiasiwa had discovered šipa·puli·ma, I know where my spirit will be this very night: at the telaššina·we.  I hope that my hom ·akcek·i might be there to greet me.”
          Koškáti immediately made the necessary arrangements to move from Pescado to Zuñi and took up residence in the great House of Healing.  Koškáti remained in this sacred position for little over two years before he finally asked hom ·akcek·i, Popékâke to replace him and assume the full role of Zuni’s chief Medicine Man.  This latest change in Medicine Men took place just following the death of Tekkâke, whom through her great grief, had never quite recovered from the loss of her hom tačču.  This was the first time in over two hundred years that this sacred place of healing had a new blood line, and at the same time, there was no change in the inner spiritual nature of its honored occupants.
          It was just a little over a year after Popé’s death that José had been invited by Manuél to accompany him to the Pueblo of Jemez for some rather needed and certainly delicate missionary work that involved assisting the local Catholic priest to grasp a better understanding of the Jemez people and their local beliefs; hopefully have this young priest become a bit more spiritually tolerant.  It had become rather apparent that the Jemez Pueblo was paying less and less attention to this recently appointed priest and it was the hope of Father Manuél that José would help this novice priest to better understand that it wasn't always necessary for the Church to maintain such full dominance over these people’s spiritual life.  Apparently this rather over-zealous priest was a little too enthusiastic for both the good of the Church as well as the Jemez Pueblo.  Manuél had sent word ahead to José that he would on the very next Sunday following the mass that was to be held in Santa Fe, come to the Iglesia de San Felipe de Neri in Albuquerque and that the two of them would depart from there and make the initial portion of their journey along the Rio Grande River.
          It was the early fall of 1832 and a Monday when José met Manuél at the Church in Albuquerque at about mid morning.  The two immediately left before the noon hour, and Manuél had suggested that they would probably spend that first night in the village of Bernalillo where Manuél’s sister, Rosetta and her family were living.  Manuél had promised Rosetta when he had seen her at their mother’s funeral that he would aptly come for a much needed visit and reacquaint himself with his two nearly grown nephews that he had unwittingly neglected for so many years.  This was also an opportunity for his sister and her family to become more familiar with José.  Manuél’s two nephews were practically grown, and they both worked with their father as builders of adobe dwellings.  Their modest adobe was very close to the Rio Grande River and Rosetta had cultivated and maintained a great garden much like that of Raquel’s.  It was a very enjoyable and productive visit and the Shamans had intended to be off very early the next day so they could possibly reach the Jemez Pueblo before nightfall.
          That next day they were greeted with clearest skies and the two priestly men were able to depart before mid morning but only after Rosetta had insisted on preparing for them a rather hearty morning meal and she was even so thoughtful as to prepare for them some rations for their day’s journey.  It was a particularly warm day for that time of the year and with less rainfall than usual, the ride along the river’s edge was rather dusty at times.  It was early in the afternoon and just before the two were to depart from that trail along the Rio Grande and head up into the San Pedro Mountains to Jemez that Manuél had made the suggestion that they might take this last opportunity to bath in the river.  “It will freshen our bodies for the rest of our journey, and it shouldn’t be quite as dusty in the mountains!”  It was an area that was particularly sandy and the waters were rather shallow at this point.  The two Shamans wasted little time taking off their dusty clothes, ceremonially removing their medicine bags to avoid getting them wet, placing them atop the pile of clothing and immersing themselves in the refreshing waters of the river; just rolling around and splashing about like two rather playful kids.  José with a caring tone in his voice suggested to Manuél that he might use some of the finer sand from the river’s shallow bottom and rub it into Manuél’s back “like we used do when we all bathed in the Zuni River.”  Manuél said, “Why not!  I don’t think that I’ve ever had anyone wash my back except possibly my own mother when I was still a young child.  Thank you for making such a thoughtful offer!  That sounds really kind of you.  We’ll pretend that we’re back in Zuni and that I’m your brother.”  José quietly approached Manuél just as Manuél had slowly turned around and faced his back towards his friend as he had also gently lowered himself to his knees in the shallow waters of the Rio Grande.  As José fell to his own knees and caringly commenced with rubbing that wet fine sand on Manuél’s back, Manuél softly said, “That really feels very calming and I don’t recall feeling quite so relaxed.  I think you could do this to me all afternoon and I wouldn’t think of ever asking you to quit.”  There was nothing that was initially intended by this harmless sharing of such loving tenderness; then, without any provocation José was beginning to find himself really enjoying these bodily and tender feelings of touching and the gentle chafing Manuél’s bare skin with the wet sand, and it wasn’t too long before José sort of felt himself being physically aroused by the unexpected intimate nature of this otherwise innocent experience.  He was becoming most secretly embarrassed at his unexpected and uncontrollable state of physical excitement and his voice began to noticeably tremble as he softly spoke with Manuél.  What José was not aware of was that Manuél himself was also experiencing some of those same energized and eager feelings of anticipated intimacy that he had simply and unconsciously avoided since his first sexual encounters when he was but a young seminarian back in Saint Louis.  Manuél noted and recognized the significance of the nervous trembling in José’s voice and began slowing turning around.  In doing so, Manuél was innocently exposing his own arousal just as he so sensitively acknowledged José’s manly excitement with a most tender touch with his hand, and then continued with a caring response by simply embracing José in the most affectionate manner and softly saying, “This is really quite alright, perhaps even enjoyable for the both of us… and you shouldn’t be unduly concerned about these loving feelings; they’re quite natural, you know, between two grown men who really love and respect each other as we already do.  I had often had thoughts that I suppressed and wondered if this might have even happened between the two of us, but I didn’t want to do anything that might have ever affected or even possibly undo the strong bond of friendship that we have so much enjoyed and shared over these past years.  I find this to be a most natural experience and if you’re at all uncomfortable with this, we can stop right here before it goes any further and pretend as though nothing ever happened.”  José’s immediate and caring response was to simply hold Manuél’s naked and excited body very tightly and say; “I too, have often wondered just what it would be like to be this close to you?”  And with that having been said, the two uttered no other words and became totally intertwined in each other’s rather muscular arms and their strong hands explored each other’s most intimate parts as they mutually continued this rather tender and sensual exploration until they both almost simultaneously exploded into an ecstasy that left both of them with those most gratifying feelings of utter exhaustion.
          When the two had rested a bit at the river’s edge while still naked and occasionally touching each other along with such tender glances of gratefulness, Manuél said, “We really need to get going if we expect to reach Jemez before nightfall.  Of course, I wouldn’t have traded anything for what has just happened between us and after all, Jemez will still be there tomorrow.  Thank you ever so much, José, for sharing something so completely wonderful and loving, and I truly hope this wonderful time we have just shared won’t affect the affection that we have always shared for one another.”  José was most accepting and went on to explain to Manuél that such a show of physical affection between two men just wasn’t regarded with the same degree of moral distain by many of the pueblo peoples as Manuél had once suggested that it was so considered by many of the Christian Europeans and their clergy.  “It’s just part of being a man.”  José went on to further explained to Manuél that he would have never been offended had this actually occurred earlier in their loving relationship, but that he had intentionally avoided the opportunity of such an encounter out of his respect for what Manuél had described as possibly something that was considered so terribly wrong or ‘sinful’ in the context of Manuél’s traditional Catholic Church teachings.  José, “I have always really respected your own beliefs, and I wouldn’t have ever wanted to do anything that would have offended you in any manner.  And the real truth of the matter is that I love you just as much with or without what has just happened between the two of us.  I really hope that you know that I will still love you just as much tomorrow as I did yesterday, perhaps even more for what we have shared.  This experience doesn’t change a thing with me except that I now believe that I love you all the more deeply, and now when I will think of you, I will also have a wonderful memory of your tender touch and the clean smell of your strong body.  It’s a pleasing and really loving memory to have, and I’ll always cherish this special moment that we shared.”
          The two dressed, mounted their horses and headed for Jemez just as Manuél changed the subject back to that of their original mission, but not without briefly disclosing that he had had a similar experience when he had been a young seminarian student back in Saint Louis under the guidance of Father François.  “There was another student at the seminary from New Orleans that had demonstrated a special and intimate interest in me, and I believe that this fellow student was most taken with and fascinated by my dark Spanish looks.  We must have exchanged such intimacies for almost a year before Jacque, that was his name, became so quilt-ridden and finally told me that he didn’t want to continue.  I remember being ever so terribly heart-broken even though I had experienced some of those same feelings of guilt myself; it never seemed quite that sinful as I always considered it something so akin to love.  It had always felt so good to me to experience the touch of another man and I never had the lingering or intense feeling that I was doing anything wrong.  Since that time in St. Louis, I have never been with another man, or woman for that matter, until this very wonderful day.  Although I have often thought just how nice it might be to have this special and loving experience with you.  I’m so glad that it finally happened and I’m particularly excited that it was you, someone I love so deeply.  And now, let’s discuss what we have to do in Jemez with that crazy young priest who would probably be shocked if he know what just happened!”
          This totally unplanned, unexpected yet so wonderful encounter in the river had only slightly delayed their journey just enough that they weren’t able to reach Jemez before the sun was to set.  It was fortunately in that phase of a full moon when the night was sort of lit and the two Shamans were able to continue their journey with the aid of the moon’s light that was totally available due to the clear skies; they rode on for what felt like several long hours before they actually reached a small adobe household that just happened to be short of reaching their final destination of the Jemez Pueblo.  There were still some flickering light from a fire inside this dwelling and the two cautiously approached, explained their mission and inquired of its occupants if they could possibly spend the night there before continuing on to the Pueblo.  It was a young Jemez couple and their young infant child, and after recovering from having been so unexpectedly startled by these two night visitors, the couple offered a corner of their earthen floor near the fire for the two men to sleep.  These two Shamans shared their blankets; placing one on the floor and the other to cover their clothed bodies.  They both rested their heads on the same bundled-up blanket and before the night was finished they had scooted up close to one another and fell fast asleep in each other’s arms safely undetected beneath that shared blanket.
          The two men arose the next morning with the rising of the sun, graciously thanked their kind hosts and were quickly off to the Pueblo.  They were able to arrive just before that young exuberant priest had finished his morning meal and they were able to join him, as they were quite hungry by this time having not had anything to eat since their early afternoon meal by the river the day before.  As soon as they had finished their hurried meal, the three men set about the Pueblo to get a feel of its physical surroundings, and of course, its people.  José had noted to both of them that his general perceived feeling for the Jemez Pueblo was certainly not unlike that of his own Zuñi, and that he had once learned from his father that the Jemez were as steeped in their own religious traditions as his own Zuni’s perception of the world around them; they both shared many of the same ancient myths about their earlier beginnings and their perceived central position that they occupied within their known world.  José reminded Manuél that his father’s own name had come from that of a famous San Juan Pueblo Indian that had been one of the great leaders of the Pueblo Revolt of 1680.  The Zuni had not been as directly and thoroughly involved with that Pueblo uprising, but the Zuni had always remained very grateful that their northern brothers of such Pueblos like that of the Jemez and San Felipe people had so courageously and unselfishly defended their ancestral lands and religious traditions against these rather aggressive Spaniards.
          Father Fernando was this rather young and certainly over-zealous priest that was so obviously struggling to gain any degree of respect from the Jemez people.  This still inexperienced priest had been given this dubious assignment of totally converting these heathens, probably a little too soon after he had received his liturgical education at a Catholic Seminary in Taos.  This seminary was located in the northern portion of the Province where the prevailing beliefs were not too dissimilar to those held by those earlier Spanish Franciscans that so adamantly believed that these Pueblo Indians were essentially unsuitable for civilized religion.  It was an eye-opening experience for this Father Fernando to have encountered such an educated, well-read Zuni that displayed an unbiased passion and respect for these Jemez heathens and by the end of the day, Fernando was beginning to show some serious signs of changing his once ill-mannered and previously intolerable attitude towards his new Pueblo charges.  Early that evening, Manuél with the help of José had gotten a significant number of the Jemez Elders to meet with them at in the tiny church.  It was there that José’s gifted and magnetic charisma was dramatically demonstrated as he went about persuading these Jemez Elders that their own religious beliefs were going to be more respected henceforth and that they should make an earnest attempt to work with Father Fernando in maintaining at least the viable appearance of a cordial relationship with the Roman Catholic Church; “We are all children of the same ·awitelin citta (Earth Mother).  It just going to take a little time for these Spaniards to realize that we are her ancient children and just as respectful of her wishes as any Holy Father of the Catholic Church.”  He successfully convinced these Jemez Elders that such an improved relationship with the Church would very aptly serve both the Jemez Pueblo and its people in maintaining an improved and much needed peaceful relationship with the other Pueblos of their immediate area simply because, and if for no other reason; they would be sharing this same spiritual nemesis; just like some of those strange medicinal herbs used by the Medicine Man that can be used for either their powerful healing properties as well as their destructive qualities depending on the intentions of the Medicine Man.  José, to these Jemez Elders, “We must all be a bit wiser than our sometimes naive foes in the kinds of decisions that we make for the benefit of our people; the wise leader learns how to bend like the river willow that will not break in even the strongest of winds from the loud roar of the great ·anše of the west.  No matter how much the bend; the willow remains a willow and that never changes.  Even today, this now much wiser priest has begun to bend his once rigid spirit and wishes to become more like your brother.  His spirit is now with you and your people, and he wishes to do all that he can to make your lives more productive.  I believe he is now willing to serve your best interests and share in your own understanding of this place called Jemez.”  It appeared that José had more than accomplished, in just one day of applying his simple and love-based wisdom, what Manuél had initially anticipated taking several days of tactful and perhaps even fruitless negotiating.
          After the Jemez Elders had left the little Church, the two Shamans and the priest carried on a rather short but intense exchange in which they all arrived at the obvious conclusion that the Church had very likely blundered in some of its initial directives to so thoroughly ignore these people’s own time-honored religious traditions.  They all agreed that it would best serve this too often struggling territory well if someone would actually carry this needed liberal message to Mexico City and convince some of those daunting Church Fathers that they ought to become a little more sensitive to and intimately familiar with these peace-loving inhabitants of this most Northern Diocese of theirs, particularly if they ever hoped to have any degree of lasting influence.  This misguided mission of force-feeding Christianity to the Pueblo peoples just wasn’t working as it was so intended by the Church.
          It was at this point that Manuél was noticeably renewed in his original commitment to José that they would someday make this needed pilgrimage far to the South in order to engage these Church fathers face to face.  The three actually became quite respectful of one another’s theology and this once rather naively arrogant priest appeared to have softened a bit and even developed, in such unexpected short order an authentic respect for the Jemez people, as well as a much-needed revision of the more practical and realistic purpose of his original mission.  One of the Jemez Elders had invited the two visitors to join his family later that evening for some traditional Jemez food, and Manuél and José thoughtfully obliged the kind man as a show of their sincerity in helping these Jemez regain some of their lost spiritual tranquility.  After the meal and some rather lively exchanges the two Shamans returned to Father Fernando’s dwelling and spent the night in much the same fashion as that night before; secure in each other arms before a roaring fire that had spent itself to ash-covered coals before the night had totally passed.
          The next morning the Jemez priest suggested that the Shamans return via an alternate route that would aptly take them to some refreshing and heated springs that were just to the South of the Jemez Pueblo.  Fernando said that he would gladly lead them to these springs himself, and that the slight detour would be well worth the added time.  This sounded rather enticing to both Manuél and José, and since they had successfully accomplished their initial mission with ease and in such unexpected yet welcomed short order, they agreed to follow this agradable priest who himself had apparently only discovered these delightful hot springs just prior to this charitable mission of what could be most accurately described as spiritual emancipation.  The other likely outcome of what was accomplished by this timely visit would be the most likely affect it would eventually have on the appointment of Manuél as the Bishop of this most northern Diocese of the Church.  It was also the thought that the summation of all of these sensitive and diplomatic accomplishments would only add to the greater chances of a successful mission to Mexico City, and this little side trip to these hot springs would be just a little advance reward for the winning efforts of these holy men, both so passionately dedicated to the ultimate integrity of the Pueblo Indians and their uniquely kind-spirited beliefs.
          Well, the detour to those enticing hot springs was proved to be a delightful experience as the priest had so promised them.  It was so enjoyable and clearly refreshing that the three men remained there that entire afternoon just switching from one hot spring to another and then rhetorically comparing the subtle differences between the various springs that were available in that immediate area.  This intimate contact with ·awitelin citta (Earth Mother) through another of her wondrous telaššina·we was just further testimony that what was experienced as love and truth in one part of this world is just as equally legitimate anywhere else. With no pressure or expectations on any of them, they spent that time just soaking in those delightful hot waters that had been warmed with love in the nadir and talking about every imaginable subject, and naturally, most of the exchanges centered on religious and philosophical subjects.  Since this young priest had been educated at the Taos Seminary, his exposure to a broader range of subject matter didn’t quite equal that of Manuél’s liberal arts exposure in Saint Louis.  Fernando’s education was mostly limited to and centered on Catholic Church doctrines, the function of the pastorate and how to care for a flock of wild Indians!  This receptive priest was quite taken and impressed with the manner in which this handsome Zuni had so mastered much of what Manuél had learned and queried as to whether he might also borrow some of Manuél’s books that had been referred to on several occasions during their rather involved and lengthy conversations.  Fernando had convincingly demonstrated that he was quite intelligent and the exposure to these two liberal and exceptional Medicine Men was sort of an eye-opening experience.  “What you have shared with me seems so natural and real and it has this most rewarding feeling of release; a feeling that I have had some unknown burden lifted from my very being….” As it was beginning to get dark, the priest had so very hesitantly excused himself and said that he really needed to get back to the Jemez Pueblo before it had gotten too dark particularly since he was still rather new to the area and didn’t wish to get lost in the cover of night.  The other two decided that they would simply spend the rest of that night under the star-filled skies and depart for Albuquerque the next morning.
          The mission to Jemez was so effective that Manuél had suggested to José that they might be doing some of the same mission work at the other northern Pueblos.  It appeared, no, it was the absolute resolve that the Catholic Church had full intentions of converting every heathen in the territory to Christianity and went to great lengths to build and maintain small Pueblo-based churches and dutifully train their priests for this specific mission, as had been the case with Father Fernando of the Jemez Pueblo.  Manuél and José did in fact eventually visit some of the other northern Pueblos over the next several years and every time one of these missions was embarked upon, it only aptly served to remind them that there still remained a great need to redirect those bastardly intentions of those Church leaders in Mexico City.

          As was always expected to eventually come to pass, it was the early spring of 1834 when Padre Manuél Ortiz was finally appointed as the Bishop of the Santa Fe Diocese.  It was during the celebration of Easter in that year that Manuél was officially installed into his new position of church authority by a small delegation of priests that had traveled the Camino Real from La Ciudad de Méjico with word of his official appointment from the Holy Father in Rome.  The Cardinal that had accompanied this group stated that they had made the journey for that specific purpose as well as to take a brief survey of the Catholic Church’s progress in this most northern Mexican Diocese.  The ecclesiastical evaluation wasn’t taken too seriously by this small delegation; after all, these priests felt that the real business of the Church was all rightfully centered in La Ciudad de Méjico.  With Méjico having so recently been liberated from Spanish control, there was this renewed feeling of ecclesiastical power that was vested in the Church leaders in La Ciudad de Méjico. As much as Manuél had wanted the visiting clergymen of the Church to actually visit a number of the Pueblos for themselves, they seemed quite satisfied with just having some of the resident priests that were pastors to these disbursed Pueblos come and present themselves and a report in Santa Fe.  No doubt the very travel from La Ciudad de Méjico along the Camino Real was a trying experience in those days and it would have been easier for these priests to have the mountain come to them verse the added travel to the outlying Pueblos.  In a strange way this might have actually been of some benefit since these Church leaders would not have been able to actual give witness to some of the possibly questionable compromises that had been arrived at with the intentionally unbiased input of Padre Manuél concerning some of those local practices designed to maintain a significant portion of these Pueblo People’s own spiritual and religious integrity.  And with all of the added responsibilities that came along with this office of Bishop, it was some three years of Church politics, burdensome Church duties and even more of those awful and thoughtless directives from the south that would too quickly pass before that intended and now even more urgently needed pilgrimage to La Ciudad de Méjico finally manifested itself; So it was in the winter of 1837 that Manuél and José would finally set aside the needed time to venture southward for that rather awesome and certainly self-serving seat of Holy Catholic Church power.
          This projected journey to the south was unknowingly fated to probably require far less time than had originally been anticipated.  The actual time that was required for travel to La Ciudad de Méjico certainly wasn’t any less even with the Camino Real being well traveled in those days, but it was to be far more manageable for these pilgrims since Manuél, as a Bishop of the Church, was rightfully courted every courtesy along the way.  The first real opportunity for a needed break that gave both of them a chance to shift their emotional and intellectual gears from their usual daily routines and actually start in the preparing themselves for what was to hopefully occur with the Church’s full blessings came when they spent a couple of days immediately south of El Paso.  This community of gringos and Mexicans that was on the Rio Grande River was literally at the western tip of the territory of Texas and some of the residents seemed hard pressed to actually know what land belonged to Texas and what portions were really Mexican.  The culture was quite a contrast to the village of Albuquerque and the rest of the northern providence of Méjico in that it was decisively less Native Americans in its overall cultural mix and hardly any representation of the northern Pueblo Indians.  Just across the Rio Grande River from El Paso was the Mexican Village of Juarez and since these two travelers were headed to Méjico’s capitol, they decided to spend the night there before continuing on their arduous journey.  There was nothing that was particularly exciting during the eight days through the Mexican territory south of El Paso that was usually required to reach ultimate destination.  Their usual intentionally brief visits at some of the other churches in route didn’t allow for too much exchange nor any reasonable explanation for their journey, and this may have certainly been appropriate since their overall mission had a specific purpose that just simply didn’t have any direct relationship to these other Mexican Churches.  It was however, quite convenient for these pilgrims of opportunity as most of these Churches had enthusiastically provided needed rations for the journey and occasionally a place to rest the horses and spend the night.  This was a hard journey for the some eight days just from El Paso.  It was fortunate for these two who were definitely strangers to the country that this was a well-traveled route, as these trails of commerce were easily followed by simply keeping to the well-packed earth made so by the passage of horses and heavy-laden wagon tracks.  Much of the heavier commerce was founded on the mining of silver that was being routinely exported to the United States through Santa Fe, and the recently established commerce trail that left Santa Fe to points eastward completed the journey of this valued metal to points in the United States.
          The two very weary pilgrims arrived in La Ciudad de Méjico late one afternoon and headed immediately to the center of the town where they had expected to find the grand cathedral that would likely be the location for the liturgical heads of the Catholic Church for this rather expansive and diverse country of Méjico.  They were, after all, correct and were also most fortunate to make immediate contact with one of the more compassionate priests that graciously offered to house them during their unannounced stay in this capitol city of such diverse culture being both indigenous as well as a strong European influence.  It was the very next day that Manuél was able to persuade the Cardinal that was then head of the Mexican Catholic Church to assemble an appropriate panel to receive and review the various requests that the two had come prepared to present to the Church leadership.  This rather pious-acting Cardinal most likely had no idea of the actual full nature of their presentations and only assumed that what was going to be presented was more of a routine report of Church successes in that northern Diocese, and very possibly the usual seeking of approval for even further expansion in that area.  There is no doubt that the accompanying Pueblo ‘heathen’ was probably perceived as some token display of the evidence that the Church was successfully converting these indigenous people into those obedient subjects of Rome.  How terribly wrong for anyone to presume anything that these two Shamans might have been up to, as this panel was all too soon to learn.
          This initially well-intended trip to La Ciudad de Méjico bent on some needed relief from oppressive religious directives that more often than not compromised the integrity and moral freedom for the Pueblo Indians, turned out to be quite a disastrous fiasco; first off, Padre Manuél, after naturally and candidly disclosing his unusually high degree of respect for José, was totally humiliated in his initial meeting with this assembled panel of priests by being ever so severely chastised for having permitted himself to come under what was described as the “devilish spell” of a Medicine Man.  “You have obviously been possessed of some native daemons probably introduced to you by this strange heathen that accompanies you on this mission.”  Manuél was all too quickly accused of being devilishly mesmerized by this Zuni with the inscribed Christian name of José who was most obviously delusional himself to even think that he had any thing at all to offer to these revered spiritual Fathers of the Holy Catholic Church.  José was even shamefully labeled as a consummate heretic of sorts by one of those church fathers just following his own compelling and passionate plea to this increasingly biased council of five Catholic priests, one of whom was supposedly a rather highly respected Cardinal.  It was one of the frenzied Bishops of so little personal and spiritual stature that had contributed so irrationally to this totally unwarranted and hysterical accusation, and was actually going so far as to purposing that there be an immediate tribunal held much in that same tyrannical fashion of those that had been vicariously employed during that infamous Spanish Inquisition, “After all, we’re dealing with a heathen here.”  Of course, this most fanatical of Bishops was one of those leftover Spaniard bastards that should have rightfully been sent home with the rest of those Spanish-styled Franciscans that lack any semblance to Christian charity to which their order was so well know for.
          Manuél, having most providentially gotten word of this unexpected atmosphere of hostility from the only member of the assembled panel that had shown any appropriate degree of compassion at all, immediately took it upon himself to recant during his second audience with this panel of liturgical daemons, his initially proposed position on relief for these indigenous heathens that he had perhaps too enthusiastically presented to this obviously more than narrow-minded and most dispassionate panel of ignorant priests, but only with the firm understanding that no dreadful actions were to be taken against his Zuni friend, and that they both would be permitted to leave in solemn peace and return home immediately.  Manuél explained in the most compassionate manner that any serious harm to his companion would necessarily create great havoc upon his return to Santa Fe and should be avoided at all cost.  Manuél continued his plea for a nonviolent leave with the greatest show of humility that was only the grand performance in the manner of a rightfully deceptive act called for under those most dire circumstances, went on to verbally recant his originally stated position with addressing this rather highly agitated council by saying, “I have come to see and fully understand, with the most charitable aid of your loving input, the very serious nature and error of my once blinded ways, and I now wish to withdraw any and all of these previously presented requests that were thought to be offered on the behalf of the Dioceses as well as the Cathedral of Saint Francis in Santa Fe.  I most humbly apologize for my obvious spiritual blunders; I was most certainly misled and terribly mistaken in the original nature of my mission, and I will surely rid myself of this most surely ignorant and arrogant heathen upon my return.  I would eliminate him immediately, but my return to Santa Fe without him at this time would most probably make my continued service to these heathens most unnecessarily difficult for me as well as any future Church authority.  I will deceive him in thinking that all is well with the Church and simply convince him that now is not the time for any changes in Church policies.  I beg of your holy Eminences, for forgiveness, and humbly ask that you give me leave without prejudice.  I ask our holy Jesus to guide and protect me from any further pollution of my faith, and to shed His own forgiveness for my most haughty of human faults.  Amen.”  Manuél, not wanting to give any further latitude to these most insane and fanatical priests, immediately excused himself; backing slowly away while still facing them with that well orchestrated and humbling demeanor; that readily apparent bodily posture was most deliberately, though not with any sincerity at all, poised in that very common manner of head-hung servitude and expected obedience to Church authority.  It was Manuél’s undisclosed resolve to retreat without arousing any further animosity from these totally unreceptive clerics that could have just as easily demonstrated their utter disapproval in that most terrible of Spanish fashion of holding another unwarranted and horrifically fatal inquisition.  It was only Manuél’s quick surmise of the potentially dire outcome of this situation that gave him the needed resolve to so dramatically deceive these Church bastards to believing that he had any change of heart at all.  He was not without that love for his friend that required the most intricate performance of humility and this whole awful scenario demanded an immediate reevaluation of his own commitment to the vows he had once taken in Saint Louis so many years before this spiritually wrenching event came to past.
          The ultimate effect of this insanely irrational encounter with what should have more rightly been a meeting of kindred and loving hearts was devastating for both of these loving Medicine Men; Manuél in particular had most shockingly recognized that he had so mistakenly and naively dedicated his entire life and being to a deceptively diabolical Church that he now knew was so terribly corrupted to the very core of its essence, and for the first time, Manuél actually began to understand just what José had tried to so respectfully and passionately disclose to him when he had once said, “I don't believe this man (referring to Jesus) to be a God, as some of your enthusiastic Christian brethren believe so emphatically, but I do fully understand what this man had more probably meant when he had first said, If you have known me, you have known God.  Manuél, I have come to know you so well and the loving compassion you possess deep within your own being for everyone with whom you come in contact.  To my limited, humble and ever so simple understanding as an uneducated Zuni Medicine Man, this is the only truly divine quality of a God.  Therefore, my knowing you and coming to love you as I do has taught me that your God does not exist as your religion teaches.  Manuél, to me you are God, I am God, Raquel is God and every man that lives that life of loving his neighbor without prejudice has the potential of being a God.”  These Church leaders showed no actual signs of loving any of their neighbors and only went out of their way to only demonstrate a ghastly power for which they had no true moral authority that would have been at all recognized by one such loving man as Jesus, or even such other truly spiritual mortals that have attempted to imitate his love and compassion for all of humanity no matter their origin.
          If anyone had actually been unexpectedly delusional, it was probably Manuél who had always demonstrated such blind devotion to and faith in a church that he now knew was so far from the real truth; that truth that should have set them free to actually do the work of love.  Manuél, with a most soulful tone in his voice addressed José, saying, “José, I ask you to forgive me.  I believe, no, I know, that I have been blindly serving the anti-Christ with such unquestionable and totally blind devotion, and I have been so terribly deceived by the meaningless ceremonies that have only paid lip service to a divine creed that was given by the simplest man with the most basic of all commandments.  I think I now possess a far better understanding of that once denounced-as-a-heretic Catholic priest, Martin Luther, and just precisely why he had himself so passionately declared that the Holy Father was indeed the anti-Christ.  You know, had I never come to know you and the love that you show so freely in your heart, I could have lived the rest of my life as part of this terrible travesty of lies and spiritual enslavement.  I don’t know what I’m going to do now, but I need to get back to my own familiar surroundings and in some kindly manner shield the very flock of those faithful that I have been so naively leading to this spiritual slaughter by what I had once and so faithfully believed to be, men of love and God.  You’re right, you know, and I now have no choice but to remove that cross from my medicine bag, not because of the man and his humble teachings that it rightfully represents, but because it has also inadvertently become a symbol of dire evil in the hands of my godless church that has abandoned his sole mission of love.  I believe I would prefer to be amongst the company of a “heathen” like yourself, than to keep the company of these tyrannical despots that have no idea of the true meaning of this divine love.  Please forgive me for bringing you here and subjecting you to these devilish and tyrannical men of no true sustenance who are not even worthy of your kind company; I had really thought that it would have been a great thing for us to have accomplished; I was so terribly wrong to believe that these ungodly priests would have been any different in person than what they had so often represented themselves to be in those massive directives of oppression, and I now realize that the evil to which even I have willingly contributed, is possibly greater that all the good that we have done or would ever be able to do.  I am just now confused about the future as it stands.  I think I now truly understand the real reason that Jesus was crucified; it wasn’t for our sins!  It was simply that he was teaching the truth and for us to love one another even more passionately than that faithless love that is so demanded for our multitude of false gods.  What a damn fool I’ve been.”  Manuél burst into tears, threw his arms around José and repeatedly said, “Forgive me, forgive me; please forgive me!”  José assured Manuél that there was absolutely nothing for which he needed any pardon from “me.  What you really need, my dear friend is to forgive yourself, not that you have ever done anything that would require a pardon.  I think Father François had taught you perhaps really all too well and he had, after all, sowed some oh so fertile meaningful seeds of truth that I believe have just finally geminated because it was finally their season to do so.  And it is always and only for us each to discover the truth in our own good time as life itself is often more sensitive to our needs than our own consciousness.  We have talked about all of this in so many different ways without fully confronting the harsh reality of our unique existence, but it is only in actually encountering an experience like this that actually opens our hearts and minds to fully discovering and accepting the truth and confronting the realities that we all too easily dismiss without any reasonable challenge.  We’ve talked a great deal about these things of love and passion, but all those words only come to life when confronted in real situations like we have just encountered.  We’ve discussed all of this!  And in some strange manner this is truly a blessing more than anything else.  You see, my friend; this truth that we so brutally encountered this very day has surely freed us to simply do the right thing; that thing that lies within our own hearts alone and is governed by no one or anything except that of our own hearts and the love that lies so deep within.  Therein lies the only true god of all mankind!  The only true and absolute authority in this world is love, and love simply does not exist outside the confines of truth.  My friend, it has always been only truth and love that has guided each of our lives to this very point in time.  It is this very life based on love that caused us to come here in the first place, and just perhaps this has been a greater blessing than we can now realize in our shared state of spiritual shock; we should actually thank these church idiots who have so over-played their unclean hands and be ever so thankful that they were so terribly arrogant as to actually believe in their own empty and powerless authority; empty of that singular ingredient necessary for a full and joyous life that your great teacher, Jesus, had always and with such absolute passion referred to; love.”
          It was already getting to be quite late in the afternoon when this awful meeting with the church authorities had taken place, and even though it wasn’t the most appropriate time to start their journey home, they departed immediately with an intense sense of anxious haste and desperation. After hurriedly gathering their belongings that were still at the dwelling of the priest where they had initially taken residence, José and Manuél got as far away from the site of this horrid city as their horses would carry them in the early darkness of night.  It was so appropriate that they were to spend the few remaining minutes before they finally fell deep asleep that most anxious of all nights and totally isolated from all other humanity, in that most comforting position of just simply gazing at those infinite stars and knowing that they had just encountered the true enemy of mankind, and survived, even if a bit torn in their spirits for having just made this most disheartening discovery.  Manuél never did fully disclose to José that he had so humbly recanted, under the false guise of being so sincere and truly apologetic, to this insane and liturgical panel in order to avoid what could have turned out to being a total disaster had these dastardly priests actually formed a panel of heretical inquisition.
          The two Medicine Men awoke the next morning, later than they might have otherwise, due no doubt to the total emotional exhaustion of the previous day’s most sacrilegious encounter with the absolute epitome of the anti-Christ.  That rather understanding priest that the two had been the guests thereof during the shorter than expected stay in Mexico City had sent along several loafs of bread for their journey home, so they ate one of the loaves as they were departing their nocturnal place of rest.  The return journey retraced almost the exact tracts as their coming and when they had reached the village of Chihuahua late one very tiring evening; they actually remained that next full day at the urging request of an unusually compassionate priest that had detected in these two men of the cloth a profound sense of utter doom.  The two Shamans were easily persuaded most simply because on that very next morning, the weather had made an incredibly sudden change, reversing itself from those usually sunny and dry skies into a heavy overcast with the heavens suddenly relinquishing a torrential downpour that would have certainly hindered any attempt to continue their journey without some undue hazards.  Of course, Jose, took this show on the part of the heavens as an act of cleansing.  “These heavenly waters were sent to cleanse our spirits of any evils that we may have just encountered.  I am thankful that ·awitelin citta (Earth Mother) always knows just when to yield her cleansing and healing waters.”
          It only took this kind old gentleman only a few probing questions for him to accurately capture the essence of what had just occurred with the Church powers that be.  It was soon apparent to Manuél and José that this Father Domingo had pretty much arrived at many of the same sad conclusions about the spiritual coldness and abandonment of what should be a far more compassionate Church, even though his own personal route to this truth was entirely different in nature.  Father Domingo encouraged these two bewildered and weary-appearing travelers to remain in his loving care much like that of a nurturing Medicine Man that was about his usual business of curing a broken spirit.  And indeed, this wise man that had demonstrated a knowing and caring heart of pure gold had all the properly called-for ingredients and most importantly; having traveled pretty much the same treacherous path, knew what fatherly and loving advice to offer, that would aptly help both of these men to begin the healing of their broken hearts and spirits.  For Manuél, this unexpected encounter provided him the wisdom to know how to successfully remain in his present post as Bishop and continue his loving service to his own people without those nagging feelings that he was somehow betraying himself to his own set of loving values.  José was equally aided by much of the same advice that he had heard given to Manuél as his greatest pain was not so much for himself as it had been for the spiritual well-being his ever so close friend; after all, it was specifically that great institution to which Manuél had so intensely dedicated his life that had now so vehemently nullified its own spiritual justification and authority.  Both of these men had felt like they had encountered an angel of mercy in the body of this Father Domingo at just the very moment of tribulation when it was most needed.  Had this encounter been too soon following this rude crucifixion of spirit that was experienced in Mexico’s capitol it would have been too easily dismissed in the blinding heat of the moment.  The four days and nights’ journey to Chihuahua was just enough time for both of these men to have regained some degree of spiritual composure and realize that one didn’t have to fully abandon their life’s chosen path just because there were some perfidious thorns along the way.  It is precisely events like this fortuitous encounter that is often mistaken as some divine intervention, and this mythological God of our imaginations, too often gets the undue credit.  In this case, the full credit goes rightfully to Father Domingo whose own trials and tribulations with the Church had sculptured a loving heart of pure gold.
          Father Domingo, “You see my good sons, I had once dedicated myself to lessening the burdens of my brothers.  I chose the path of the Church, believing it to be the highest calling possibly for a simple child of a poor Português family.  I began my religious schooling as a young boy of fourteen and thought that I wanted to come to this New World and save those heathens from their inevitable damnation that I had been taught was due them because they lacked the knowledge and acceptance of our God.  I was eventually afforded my ill-fated wishes to serve, and soon found myself in a strange land south of here called Columbia, and I was working deep in this foreboding jungle with these strange native peoples.  It took me a great deal of time to even learn their means of communicating and in learning their simple language I also learned many of their unique customs.  Most interesting of all, I was taken in by their Witch Doctor whom I later came to understand was actually their spiritual leader of sorts.  As I learn more about these simple people and their unique customs, I began to realize that their only need for my God was something only in my own head that was surely place there by the Church; they had a simple way of life that already served their basic needs and when I observed the caring manner in which they related to each other and to their pristine surroundings with such a show of utter respect, I began to seriously question the need of my presence and most particularly my own theology that was born of a different time and place to theirs.  I made it a point to actually learn all that I could from these rather innocent people and discovered that they had a deep spirituality equally as profound as mine.  The only thing that I could see that they might have lacked was the proper words in their own language to fully express many of their daily actions that reflected an inner peace with themselves that they so totally shared with their surroundings.  I was sort of taken in and accepted by these lovingly simple people as they never initially judged me or even questioned my own motives, and in some strange fashion, I felt I had become one of them even more than they had even begun to accept my own modest spiritual offerings.  They were truly simple children of another god.
          It was obvious by other observers that I had gained the confidence of these simple people, and the Church mistook this congenial appearance of things as a sign that I had somehow won their souls to our own Church and its doctrine of obedience.  It was in conjunction with an unexpected visit from one of the Church missionaries that it became apparent that these indigenous people weren’t as blindly obedient to our Church traditions as was then prescribed by the Holy Father in Rome.  When the leader of these misguided missionaries had so naively attempted to impose certain unfamiliar rituals on my native friends, they most naturally revolted, and when this certain priest then made irrational demands with an unyielding authority for their absolute obedience, he was simply killed.  I’m not quite sure how I eventually avoided being held totally responsible for this unfortunate incident, but I was, in any case, immediately returned to Spain for what the Holy Church had called reconstruction of my faith.
          This liturgical instruction actually served me well, but only as a platform upon which to reevaluate my own faith in light of what I had learned from these native Columbians deep in the jungle.  I played along with these sincerely earnest priests that were attempting to restructure my lost faith, but wondered at every junction of their carefully crafted instruction if they really understood anything that they were so earnestly attempting to teach, particularly since none of them had even encountered the realities of the new world and its unusual inhabitants.  They just hadn’t experienced what I had been so fortunate to encounter in that tropical jungle.  The more I observed their so routinely habitual actions that seemed so devoid of any warm and loving human feelings, the more I envisioned them as soulless puppets that were being animated by some devious puppeteer whose only aim was to control the ultimate outcome of some master plan that had no real element of compassion for the masses of people that are thus constricted by the horrific imposition of that demand of absolute and blind obedience to this Unholy Catholic Church.  There was definitely something missing, and I felt with the deepest resolve that I had discovered that missing element somewhere deep in that primitive jungle, and all I wanted to do was get back to the New World and discover even more for myself.  I pretended to respond to these mindless puppets of the Church, offered my own fashion and show of obedience to most intentionally and deceptively gain their naive approval and endorsements, and thus manipulated those powers that be just in order to get a new assignment.  It turned out to be this Mexico, and I was initially assigned a small mission in the Yucatan area and remained there for some time just secretly doing all that I could to help the pour natives and serve the Spaniards that were the captive residents in that tropical village that was situated by the sea.  These Spanish settlers seemed quite content to be enslaved by the Church, and I simply honored their empty traditions and wasn’t motivated to make any harsh changes; after all, I really didn’t have anything else to offer them.  They had be raised in the tradition of their parents and grandparents and had no ideal that there existed anything of any real value other than what they were all given as children of the damned.  What I had learned from my own enlightening experiences only meant something to me, and I decided that I would at least attempt to not have these people of nature to be swept as deeply into this ugly abyss of blind obedience.  When the Church, finally recognized my covert mission, they immediately relocated me to where they thought that I could do no further harm to their intended oppression of individual spiritual freedom.
          So, I’m here, in this isolated desert of human existence, simply and humbly performing those routine and repetitive duties for what often feels like a herd of human cattle being fed and having only to look forward to their eventual and certainly unceremonious slaughter.  There is no real meaning to life here, and the most inspiring, and at the same time despairing event, is the birth of a child.  I am in one instant overjoyed with the promise of new life and then I realize that this child will all too soon loose its original innocence, and be swept away with the rest of the marauding herd.  I am now content to simply maintain the peace; I only attempt to teach these miserable souls how they should try to love one another and find joy in sharing what little they have.  Beyond that, I have no further purpose in this life.”
          “Let me share with you my final conclusion on this whole terrible mess that I have encountered, and just what I feel you have just likely experienced for yourself.  I’m a bit of an outsider, just for being Português, and this bizarre state of my presence existence has given me the opportunity to view this whole travesty from a different perspective.  There are two happenings that have taken place in this tragic land of Mejico.  First, there is that of the secular domain and this was ruled by the Spanish soldiers of fortune in search of their fabled El Dorado.  As long as there was any hope of finding gold in this New World, they were hysterically ravenous in their efforts to conquer anyone that might had stood in their way.  When it was finally concluded that they weren’t to find this great city of gold, they lost their fervor and were justly expelled, which is why Spain no longer rules here.  The greater of the tragedies is the undeclared and ruthless mission of the Catholic Church, the success of which is sadly measured by the number of peoples that they bring under the spiritual domination of their secularized theology.  These far less-educated Spanish Franciscans were still acting like they were part of the Inquisition that had so tragically taken place in Spain; they really don’t know any better, as their teachers were just as misguided in their understanding of the true mission of the Church.  I don’t understand where they went so far astray, considering the loving nature of their founder, Saint Francis?  The reason that your own noble mission failed so dismally in Mexico City was the diabolical difference between your rightfully conceived passions to respect your peaceful Pueblo people, and those unspoken troubling needs of a godless Church hierarchy to exert their immoral and absolute authority.  Whether it has been the Church or those secular bastards, the essence of it remains the same vicious daemon of greed; the want of wealth or the want of absolute power.  In neither case is there any degree of love or true compassion for those that are so wantonly conquered.  They conquer both the body and the spirit leaving an empty shell of despair.  Sometimes it might have been far more merciful that so many were actually slain in the name of our heartless God; at least they didn’t have to live in that austere slavery of body or spirit!  What a tragic waste!  These Spanish bastards are an evil bunch, and so I deal with it all as best I can.  At least Spain no longer rules, and I wish that the Church had been equally and justly expelled with the rest of the Spanish bastards.  So let me tell you how I deal with this Church that still rules these poor people’s souls.  I intervene for them in the best way I know that might help in some small fashion.  When they seek my council, instead of giving them some Church contrived and dictated rhetoric, I simply inquire of them, “How do YOU feel about this matter?  Let your heart direct your actions so long as they are founded on love, and God will respect your decisions as long as it is only that love that motivates those actions.  Something liken to that nature of true and unselfish love!”  Manuél had never reached these conclusions for himself; perhaps he just never had the time to step back and take an introspective look.  José suggested, after just a bit of deep thought, “Instead of us just gazing up at those heavens perhaps we should have taken flight like the Red-tailed Hawk and simply viewed this world of ours from afar.  I respect what you have just shared with us and it makes a great deal of sense.  I know that this has all come to you because you have lived it, and in time we could all become wiser if we would only listen to the call of our own hearts.  That was something that my father had taught me to do, and to always listen to what our brother has to offer us.  The more liberated eyes that are used to view our world, the better the perspective it is for all.  No one man or Church should do our seeing for us.  If that were the case, we would have no need for our own inner eyes.”
          It was early the next morning and it was as though the heavens, having accomplished their intended mission of delaying the two Shamans, that it was a bright clear day, and a welcomed sign to continue on with their return journey.  In those remaining days heading for home these two repeatedly exchanged words of both utter despair and then wonderment of just what the future might actually hold.  Manuél, “The least that we can do is to continue to serve our own people in the best way possible and hope to make their lives at least mean something to be desired.  I’m just not sure what that will be?  Who am I to decide for anyone what he or she should do or believe?  I truly believe that our dear Português friend had the right solution in listening to the hearts of those that we serve.  Perhaps I need to learn how to just be patient and be there when someone seeks my council.  In the meantime there are so many routine things to accomplish, and I need to learn how to accomplish all of this without showing any signs of my own inner and utter despair.  I just don’t know if I have the strength to bear this inner burden.  It’s sort of dishonest to pretend that things are as they should be.  That’s the part I will need to learn to deal with more effectively and to do it in such a caring manner as to not ever disclose my own most troubling doubts.  Before this trip, I really had believed that the Church was there for its people and that what Jesus had taught us was still being taught and actually experienced.  I have been so unjustly blinded by even my own experience of joy in life and the greatest part of that joy has been my great friendship and shared love with you and Raquel, two great and loving friends that aren’t even Christian.  So what has the lesson been for me?  I think it is that the love in our hearts is so much greater than anything we will ever be able to find in any religion that is found to be so full of hate and despair.  How did this Church get so far astray from the original truth?”  José really didn’t have too much to add to all of this, but he simply and humbly proclaimed, “All that my father even hoped to accomplish was to bring healing to his brother’s bodies and peace to their spirits, and beyond that simple endeavor he never had any other selfish or even lofty desire in life.  He taught me to keep my own ills and pains to myself, and to always serve my people with a look of confidence and joy in everything that I would ever hope to have accomplished.  It was a most simple approach and totally without any want for himself.  He was devoid of that hatred that we had just so unfortunately encountered with your churchmen.  I don’t know how your people have come to tolerate this?  I take it that they just don’t they know better?”  Manuél, “They have always known nothing else but this one Church.  They have had nothing to ever compare their lives with; no alternatives, and your more than generous sharing of your Zuni traditions and beliefs with me so freely and in such a loving manner, without ever judging my own faith, has been your great gift to me.  I’m one of the fortunate ones to have encountered real love!”
          The two Shamans returned to šipa·puli·ma and Manuél remained there for two days of rest as though he was hoping to regain that spiritual strength that has been so terribly usurped by this demoralizing experience.  There was so much to just think about, and now, Manuél not only wanted to gaze at those heavens; he now began to consider viewing his own world from a more lofty perspective of the great Red-tailed Hawk.  Since the entire journey had been so truncated by this foreboding encounter with those spiritual bastards, Manuél still wasn’t expected back in Santa Fe at the Cathedral of Saint Francis.  The two healers shared all of their experiences with Raquel who listened with such great intensity and compassion, and who would repeatedly express her wish that she could have been there to comfort both of them in their most desperate moment of deepest despair.  Raquel was so closely attuned to her friends that she vicariously identified with all that they had shared, particularly their great distress and spiritual pain, and yet not having lost any perspective by having remained home, she was able to comfort them in the knowledge that nothing had really changed on the home front, and that they would be able to continue quite successfully in the pursuit of their own noble and loving missions, only now, with the understanding that what they would now be accomplishing would be so much for the better, knowing that their hearts were no longer unjustly torn between an oppressive Church and the real needs of its people.  “You both have so much to give these people, and now you know that what you have to offer is solely from your own hearts.  I can only say that I love you both all the more for being so courageous in light of your newfound knowledge.  Don’t let this experience blind you from the truth.  I had always had my doubts about this Church, and I’m not a bit surprised at the outcome of this noble effort on your parts; I knew that your hearts were in it, and I had so hoped that you would have been truly successful because you both so deserve to have been treated with greater respect.  Any churchman that can’t see the love in your hearts is obviously blinded by the great hatred that he harbors in his own spirit.  Be very thankful that you are both strong enough to continue without these bastardly devils’ most unholy of blessings.  You have so much more to offer; love.  Why don’t the two of you pay a needed visit to the sacred telaššina·we and there seek to regain your own inner spiritual strength!  Those most holy of waters have the power to heal even the most broken of spirits.”

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